Over the past few years, a "George Carlin" rant about being a bad American has been circulating on the internet. Of course, it's a fake - written by an angry conservative who decided putting a famous person's name to it would invariably garner it more credibility. Here is the text:
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.
I am George Carlin.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%!-up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
Now, this is fun, and it really says a lot of things that I believe in as well. But, for the life of me, I can't figure out why the author put GEORGE CARLIN'S name on it!!! If you've got something to say, say it! Of course, reading this got me to thinking...What is it that I want to say? What am I angry about? What do I believe in so strongly that I want to put it on the Internet for the whole world to read? Well, here goes...
The 2008 Election
Man, this election has taken forever. I can't remember any more the first time I heard Barack Obama's name. I can't wait until Nov. 4 is over and we can get back to the normal name calling, scandal erupting, higher taxes, bigger government, socialist experiment we're used to. I just can't STAND hearing anymore about swing states, electoral votes, blue, red, or any other color related to electing a president. Why can't we all just agree that it doesn't really matter? Any person we put in office is going to take us further down the socialist road we've been on since the 1930's and Roosevelt's New Deal. I still can't understand why so many people would think this is great. Name me one historical reference where redistribution of income was successful. Utopia was a BOOK people! Anyway, back to the election...I just don't believe any of them anymore. There is such an atmosphere in Washington of corruption and greed, that I have no faith in any politician who's been there longer than 6 months. We see this even at the State level as well, but in Washington, it's year after year of the same ol' thing. "Give me money and I'll vote for your bill." "Vote for my bill, and I'll vote for yours." They play with our freedoms more lightly than they make dining decisions, and any idealism is ground out of them from the moment they arrive as they're told to line up behind the party's marching orders or risk losing their seat during the next election. And that's the key. See, I believe politicians have three goals in mind: Wealth, Power and Re-election. They've learned that politics is a lucrative business with over $2.5 Billion per year spent on lobbying and millions more through campaign and PAC contributions. Many people believe that our politicians use that money honestly - only for it's intended purpose. I believe some do, but I don't have that much faith in everyone. In fact, we're hearing more and more these days about ethics violations and laws broken by our elected officials when it comes to money. And it's almost impossible to find a poor Congressman. Were they all independently wealthy when they got elected? I doubt it. Where in the world are they getting their riches while serving in public office? So, the manner by which they gain wealth and power is through getting re-elected. Does anyone honestly think any longer that his/her elected representative at any level cares about how we feel on any issues? They tell half-truths and hidden lies during the campaign season, and then line up on the side of money once they're in office. So, who am I voting for? I'd love to say "nobody", and feel good about that, but at the very least, I'm taking advantage of my Constitutional right and casting a ballot for what I believe to be the lesser of two evils - McCain. Don't get me wrong, I don't love McCain. Far from it. This is a vote against Obama more than a vote for McCain. Obama scares the sh*t out of me. Redistribution of Income (Socialism), Higher Corporate Taxes (only Japan's 41.5% is higher than our 39% - where do you think that money is going to come from...??? Higher consumer prices, fewer employees...), Negotiations with rogue states (yeah, Iran is this close to being our ally), Gun Control (this really is a slippery slope issue that I'll touch on another day, but thank God the Supreme Court struck down the D.C. handgun law as un-Constitutional). I can't imagine a worse direction for a country which was founded on the principles of individual liberty, unbridled capitalist enthusiasm, and limited governmental interference with its citizens. By all means, vote your conscience. But don't tell me Obama (or McCain for that matter) offers hope of a new day. I see only gray skies ahead as we tumble ever closer to a system in which we're all forced to give our liberties up for the sake of a "greater cause".
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